• Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle? Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are. Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.
• What do you call an old snowman? Water.
• Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

Source code only available at GitHub