• My son is studying to be a surgeon, I just hope he makes the cut.
• What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
• Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle? Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are. Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.
• A man is washing the car with his son. The son asks...... "Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?"
• Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
• What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...
• I've just written a song about a tortilla. Well, it is more of a rap really.
• The other day I was listening to a song about superglue, it’s been stuck in my head ever since.

Source code only available at GitHub